Blog Friday 6th May 2011 – Easter Hols, Emotional Breakdown and more!

Its all been a bit much recently if I’m been honest with ya. Well, we left off before the holidays which in many ways ya know were a bit too much to take, I’ll probably get to the reasons why pretty soon, but first I need to put some new batteries in my Magic Mouse, give us a minute … there we go, took about 20 odd seconds to do, some Duracell if you’re bothered! Hang on, that has to be the first live battery changing of a Bluetooth mouse to feature in a personal blog ever!!! … Nah, its Apple someone else’ll of done it, but hey, first for me!

Back at College

This week started pretty good as missing Monday for a bank holiday meant I only had two College days which was shweet! Tuesday was pretty alright to be honest, Josh wasn’t here apparently ill, which was annoying as I specially remembered my harmonica for him, ugh well. But to be honest I’d missed alot about College and realised why I kinda go, the people. Mentioned before how I feel about the course I’m on, we won’t go there again, case there watching evilly whilst wearing ski masks!

Thursday was a very interesting day at College though, Josh was here and immediately started coming up with a cunning plan to make the tutors get mixed up between and Sam with a hat. … OK theres two Sams at College, one wears a hat alright. And the hat was the same one, so it made it more convincing right? …. …. No. But it was fun watching them trying really hard to convince. Dinner time was when things got very interesting, for some reason Aaron never came out at College, so went down with Josh, Sam, Sam with a hat and some others. Bought some randomness from Lidl, well they did anyway, then hung around and had some laughs. Headed of in to town by myself after whilst I’d time to get some nice Sausage Rolls from the Greggs, whilst in town though who’d I bump in to than Aaron and a guy they were all looking for to called Danny, I know. Anyway, had a few laughs with those guys then walked up and we all met up at Lidl car park. Then it got very strange, Josh is very err… different the way he transports himself around and it didn’t pay of this time at all. Instead of going up some metal steps he decided to take an interesting climbing route, however this led to him actually bashing his head incredibly hard on a metal pole. Didn’t know whether to laugh or go Oooo, but when I saw blood, alot of it, I sort of started being sympathetic, I already crinched whilst it happened, oo makes me shiver thinking of that bang noise. Anyway, he ended up going with Sam with a hat to A&E at hospital, so that was an interesting morning then wasn’t it!

Afternoons on Thursday are quick anyway, and after nearly 2 hours the day was over, but hey, despite some Casualties along the way, OK one, had a very fun week to be honest! Fun but painful, more can you ask for … well Josh probably might ask for not having a bad headache right now!

Easter Hols

Minus the breakdown I had (see next section to get depressed) the holiday was a bit of a dim one. Not much happened during the holiday, but here are some of the highlights.

-We started filming for our upcoming Hutton thingy that keeps changing its name, me and Grandad Lee did acting, yes Lee did acting! OK, we only filmed about 5 minutes, but its not that bad of 5 minutes, and we’ve decided that the theme tune is going to be “Chill Anthem” taken from the Debenhams single, click that title text to get the single for yourself. The filming I’m not going to go in to, obviously we want to wait until its actually reached completion which knowing us could be years or never, but we’ll see eh. As usual with when I put news of possible film productions, they sound promising, then never happen, we’ll see if this one is different won’t we. My album following the Debenhams single, that will happen, probably late 2011 – early 2012 though, working some songs I’ve been writing through the years takes a while and I want it to be good.

-Rob’s Birthday occured in the holidays as well, which if I’m been perfectly honest with ya, as soon as I found out that it did I wasn’t happy, not that it was Robs birthday, but the fact that it took place in the holidays when I was just recovering from (see next section) and I kinda wanted to relax to be honest, it was the last week of the hols on a Thursday, I just wanted to sit at home and relax, but hey, went out with low expectations of the night if I’m been honest with ya. The birthday had a similar format as my 18th, but annoyingly no one decided to torture Rob like they did me on my 18th, bastards. But yeah, alot of people turned up, few faces I didn’t know, few faces I didn’t want to know and saw Kai and Jess who I haven’t seen in a while, and a while again as I’ve not seem them since that day … I lie, I saw Kai a week back, but hey. The night was actually quite a laugh to be honest, I always have a laugh with Jess, Grandad and Caddy (for the time he was there) were actually a laugh, never really spoke to Rob much which you never really do on birthdays but ya know, not a bad night. I was one of the few that ended the night earlier than the others who went of to Bradford to the Casinos, but I didn’t feel like it, or had enough to do so, so didn’t which I don’t regret at all to be honest. But yeah good night, needed that to be honest. I also ignored Rob’s relationship advise for reasons I won’t be harsh to mention, Jess mentioned the women from next section as well, but just said I didn’t want to talk about it and the subject was changed and we had a few laughs. But yeah as I said not bad night.

-House was free at Caddys again and me, Caddy obvously, Grandad and Kai, eventually Rob had a few laughs, all I’ve got to say about that to be honest. Found out Microsoft Kinect doesn’t acknowledge my existence, typical Microsoft eh. But yeah, had a few laughs, played Debenhams single on the Jukebox, pretty good night.

Emotional Breakdown

I kinda want to rush this section to keep myself in a good mood, and the pitch of this blog in a happy sorter reading way. … yeah! Anyway, the holiday was very uneventful to be honest, nothing really happened as in going out events weren’t interesting, OK they were a few, but for a holiday the “few” part was too big sadly, but hey. I was more annoyed that not enough stuff was going on because I could have done with many distractions over the holidays as I was pretty much doing what I’m good at, being crap with women. I am what I shall define as a “Sweet Ugly Bastard” when it comes to women, I’ll explain. I’m one of those guys thats nice to women, unless their chavs can get on with them … although if their chavs I sort of don’t get on with them in the way I avoid them at all costs. Anyway, what I mean by that is I’m nice and get on with most women, but when it comes to getting involved in something like a relationship is where I fail, and whats even more annoying about that is many women have told me that I’m a good flirter (I’m not in anyway) but not someone who’d they’d want to go out with, gee thanks! Basically what they are saying is you’d be a good boyfriend, but …. its you! Thanks a chuffin lot you bitches! Anyway, seen as I’ve been sort of noticed mentioning people with names before I am going to do everything in alias terms this time. Well, the holiday started with the women I’ve become SO CLOSE to finally getting what I’ve been dreaming about and wanting for over 5 years … her in a relationship being dashed again, but more worse with someone who is a twat I’ve known for about 10 years, I know, fun right. Whats even more annoying is that he claimed that he always fancied her and stuff when they used to hang out, all I’m saying right now is, back in those days he’s on about, when the women lived near where I do (which is also near where he lives) he never paid her a percentage of attention, if anything avoided her! Anyway, suppose I will always be this failure with all this love to burst out that will have to STAY concealed. Huh. The stupid thing about it even more was that she actually continued to flirt with me to and fro, was constantly having arguments with the one she was “supposed” to be going out with, then said she loved me more, and to be honest it all just annoyed me so much I just went in to a bit of a meltdown to be honest. Suppose the advantage of adding statuses and talking via text is you can pretend to be in a good mood through sites like FaceBook, but trust me, throughout the holiday I was concealing so much hate and depression. The problem is it wasn’t just from her, it was from consistent repeats of this same situation with one lass, then another, then another, and to be honest the main reason why I haven’t had a girlfriend in so much time … well apart from set point, what I should of said is why I’ve not been trying to get a girlfriend is basically because every single relationship I’ve hads been a failure and has actually made me quite scared of women. Seriously, there the one thing I love more than anything in the world but at the same time I don’t fear anything else more, and to be frank, I can’t take anymore heartbreak. What this time proved is that all the heartbreak, depression and sadness from previous relationships is struggling to stay concealed, you could say the bubble is truly about to pop any time soon.

She eventually saw through him and they broke up a week and a bit afterwards, reasons were not mentioned, but I oddly wasn’t in anyway chuffed about it or anything, why, because I knew that she wouldn’t turn to me. I wasn’t the reason she broke up, or if I was it didn’t show. She’s now going out with someone else, although this person, despite not knowing them, I know that they’ve known each other alot longer, or atleast are a lot closer and that both sides actually love each other which is ‘oh so freaking sweet’ isn’t it! I’m sorry, I really tried to carry that sentence to the reality, but come on, takes the piss. For the millionth time of trying to go out with her, failing, falling out, getting back again, we’re back to been friends. Oh joy.

I know what you’re thinking, you’re probably thinking stuff like Ben move on, well the fact of the matter is I actually love her, if you don’t know what that means then you’ve never loved someone before. Theres a massive difference with “Liking” someone to “Loving” someone. That always seems to get very mixed up with many people. Everyone I’ve said ‘I love you’ to in that order I genuinely have done, in fact I broke up with a lass … ooo its a few year back now, but we broke up because I couldn’t tell her I loved her, we were going out all fun and happy errr… thingy, but did I love her, no. There’s about …. wow, about, I know the freaking number, there’s two people in my life I’ve, well still do love. Both of which have bothered me, or made me happy or whatever else to make it into my blogs, but I will never stop loving them. Would I say I love the latest one more, absolutely, why, because we’re close friends, see her in person quite a bit, know where she lives! Its hard dude.

Took me a very long time to pack all that pain that we’ll probably never be in a relationship in to that ever f***ing growing bubble of emotional pain, and seriously I want to thank many people who’ve helped me get my happy up, oddly that comes from the people at College, seriously though thanks guys, even though I know you don’t read this blog, but seriously helped me through it and respect you alot for that, good friends man, especially Josh, which is actually his name, only women get alias’ in this blog.

Back to the present, and near the end of the holidays I saw her in person and we had a massive hug, didn’t say much but we’ve had chats and seriously she’s too much of a valuable friend to me to let this take me over, which is probably another thing thats helped me through it, I’m always here for her no matter what, I’ll always love her more than anyone else, and she knows that now and we’ve both ya know, dealt with it in quite an adult manor … I know, don’t get much of that do you! All in all though I do love her and always will.

Other things happening!

I know what you’re thinking ya thinking Ben I haven’t seen this before, well because its new and its a simple way to go over things quickly when my hand is tired typing.

Royal Wedding: Couldn’t care less, nothing I hate more than two peoples lives going so well.

Osama Bin Laden dead: Is he really, because proof is very limited and US stories keep changing, apparently the other side have confirmed it, but still seems fishy to me! If he is then, well, good. Only Beiber and Miss Black to go now, oh the lolz.

New iMac Update: These things are awesome, you can go up to 3.4GHz Core i7 (newest versions), AMD graphics up to 2GB, Ram up to 16GB, 2 Thunderbolt ports, 2TB+256GB SSD, and more, come on! Awesome

Little Dragon: Thought I’d mention that I’ve been loving Little Dragon recently, purchased both their albums thanks to featuring on Plastic Beach by Gorillaz and some of the songs are amazing, love em!

Vangelis Gift: My Dad had a Vangelis best of album CD when I was younger which I sort of stuck under my bed and snapped, but I found it and downloaded it and remembered how much I actually loved it. And actually now I’m more grown up I love it even more. ‘So Long Ago, So Clear’, that song makes me cry sometimes, OK it did when I was depressed with love problems, but seriously an awesome song.

Well thats ya lot to be honest, if you’re in a good mood you’ve obviously skipped that massive paragraph, had to get it out there to be honest. Anyway, till next time!


Published by Ben

My name is Ben and I'm an extreem randomist and I think because of this all my friends are too. In spare time I make videos with friends on YT and more for RKUK Online. It's all epic!

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